Monday, March 28, 2011

Some Kids Just Don't Get It

I have posted before about my oldest girl's struggles with school and the mistakes I think that have happened over the past year and a half that I believe has negatively affected her learning ability.  I.E. the move to a new community and a poor teacher. 

Still we were excited to see that she got not one but two very motivated and dedicated teachers this year.  Add to that she is also taking assisted learning classes for extra help.  So why is it that with this last report card, my daughter has now dropped from approaching or meeting expectations to your "child is below minimal age expectations for her age group". 

I just don't get it.  I'm stressed about it and quite frankly worried for her.  A part of me can't help but feel that she's not trying hard enough, that she's more focused on having fun and being creative than getting down to the nuts and bolts of reading and math.  I look back at my own school years and can't help but feel that by coasting through school I lost a lot of opportunities.  Granted, if I had taken some of those opportunities, I probably would never have met my husband and the rest of my life would have been significantly different. So what's the lesson, life happens for a reason?  I don't know.

I was sharing a few of my concerns with my mom over the weekend and I was amazed by her calm acceptance of what I viewed as big problems.  I was also struck by her calm acceptance of who E is.  She said to me, "She may never get it, Zee, some kids just don't."  Part of me looked at her like she was crazy... what am I supposed to do with that?  What are we going to do if she doesn't get it?  Will they start failing her?

It wasn't until I thought about what my mom had said that I realized how irrational my fear and stress was.  So what if she doesn't get it.  Eventually she will figure out the reading and the math.  She may never be quick at either but she is quick and clever at things that she is passionate about.  What am I afraid of her losing?  Opportunities to make something of herself?  I doubt it.  Opportunities she may lose probably are ones that she wouldn't be interested in anyways.  I don't really have any grand ambitions for my children, I just want them to be healthy and happy and hopefully to find their passion early in life.

It doesn't mean I'm going to stop helping her or give up on teaching her the importance of a good education.  It does mean that I seriously need to chill out and be more laid back about the whole thing.  It does mean that I'm going to embrace who my child is, the good and the not so good. 

She is who she is and She has been "feafully and wonderfully made". 

6 comments:

  1. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom AND a grandma who are so smart!

    We all want "the best" for our kids, but if we are honest, we can all look at our own lives and acknowledge that we didn't do "the best" always either.

    Your mom is right, some kids don't ever "get it", but that doesn't make them stupid, dumb, lazy or reckless. It's part of who they are, and as your closing line says, they are "fearfully and wonderfully made".

    Keep trying, keep encouraging and mostly, keep on praying. God's in control of her future. Just as much as he was in control of yours!

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  2. It's so hard as moms to step back and let our kids grow up at the speed that God has set for them. I personally have an ideal set for me kids and when they don't meet that level, I can get anxious. And who needs that?!?

    Good for you to realize the individuality of your girl ... you will all be better for it! :)

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  3. I agree with "Yes I Blog" and she is truly unique, as they all are... encourage her, nurture her but never expect for her to fulfill you, complete you, represent you. her failures are hers to own as are her accomplishments. It sounds to me like you've got your mother mode on straight and you're doing a wonderful job!

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  4. I would definitely focus on the things she is good at!!!
    Have you heard the quote by Einstein: ""Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
    I believe it is true! Every one is a genius in their own way. Keep at it and stick with her and I am sure you'll both learn so much ;)

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  5. Having 2 daughters with learning disabilities and their fair share of BAD teachers I can completely relate! It is hard but what has worked best was to back the pressure off some. I look at what kids are doing in school these days and am amazed. Learning multiplication and division at the end of second grade? Being expected to know the water cycle? Learning about Plural Nouns? In second grade I am pretty sure that we were still babies!
    Take a breath and encourage her to be her best... what I have found is that she will be her best. It is not worth the stress on her or you! She will learn at the pace god intended and let her artistic side shine through!
    Becca from www.askbecca.com

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  6. OMG, isn't it hard to find the balance between accepting who they are and pushing them to be all they can be? It's frustrating! You don't want them to be less than their potential, but you don't want to push them too hard and have them shut you out. God, parenting is HARD!

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