Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Extra Extra Wife Takes Public Revenge

Wife vs. Husband

Judge:  It says here that the Plaintiff is suing the Defendant for damages due to a wilful failure to complete projects in an efficient and timely manner.

Plaintiff Counsel:  Yes sir.

Judge:  Present your case

Plaintiff counsel:

Well you see, your Honour, it is the plaintiff's position that upon their marriage the wife and husband entered into a contract to love, cherish and help one another through life's journey.  It is furthermore the Plaintiff's position that the Defendant is failing to uphold his end of the bargain by failing to complete projects he begins in a timely fashion and by failing to clean up after himself.  I will begin by cross examining the Defendant.

Plaintiff counsel:  "Do you recall the project called Operation VHS Reduction?"
Defendant: "Yes"
PC:  "Do you recall when you began OperationVHS Reduction?"
Defendant: "Um.. sometime during first week of January 2011"
PC:  "Would you please look at this photo of a box VHS"

PC:  "Can you tell me where that box of VHS is sitting as of 10:30 a.m. this morning?"
Defendant:  "In the family room."

PC:  "Thank you.  Perhaps you'll recall Operation Shower Head/Thermostat.  Can you tell me when you purchased these items?"
Defendant:  "Sure, January 8th"
PC:  "That's right and can you tell me on what day the showerhead was finally installed after several reminders from your wife?"
Defendant mumbles. "January 23rd".
PC:  "And can you tell me what you did with the old showerhead that you removed?"
Defendant:  "No idea"
PC:  "You left it on the kitchen counter"
Defendant: "Yeah but I put it away after work the next day"
PC: "Only after your wife reminded you."

PC:  Your honour, we have many more such examples and it is only owing the plaintiff's reluctance to completely embarrass her spouse that we are refraining to expose such failed Operations such as Garage Clean-Up, Gutter Gunk Removal and Retaining Wall Assent.  However, it was only after today's events that the plaintiff has finally reached her breaking point and has elected to expose all in the: 

Operation Paint Trim

PC to Defendant  " Is it not true that you stayed home on January 16th while your wife and children went out so you could paint the trim?

Defendant: "Why yes I did and I did a fantastic job if I do say so myself. My wife was very pleased with the results."

PC:  "And did you clean up your brushes and put your paint supplies away?"

Defendant (sheepish): "Uh no. I planned to continue painting the trim so I put a baggie over the brush and tucked it and the paint supplies into a corner of our kitchen."

PC:  "Are you or are you not aware of your 3 year old son's penchant for getting into things and drawing all over the furniture and house.  Have you not personally witnesses the great Felt Debacle of 2010 in which all the upstair carpets had to be cleaned?"

Defendant:  "um yes."

Your Honour, May I present the final evidence of my client at what their son accomplished while she was having her shower this morning.  Supervised, I might point out by the five year old daughter who was home sick today.

Judge:  I find in favour of the Plaintiff.  The Plaintiff is entitled, at the very least, to a day at the Spa.  As for the Defendant, for his flagrant irresponsibility I sentence him to 10 days hard labour to be supervised by the Plaintiff. 

(This is meant to be a tongue in cheek poke at my husband.  I recognize that he works very hard at his job providing for his family and doesn't always feel like working around the house when he's off. And I should mention he's not the only one that procrastinates around here.) 


  1. Hahaha, I love this! My hubs and I are going through this book together and it asked us to choose one thing to "outlaw" in our relationship. You know what he chose? The "Honey-Do" list...he's a tricky one!

  2. I've learned that if I want something done in a timely manner, I do it myself or ask my dad to help me. I've given up on nagging.

  3. Hahahaha!! I love this! Just so happens me and the hubs are reading The five love languages by Gary Chapman. It is an eye opening experience. Ive been married for 11 years and had no idea I was speaking greek to my husband. May be worth it for too...may prevent war over VHS tapes. hehehe

  4. Hi there, stopping by from the Canadian Charisma blog hop! I thought this post was hilarious. It's hard to be mad when they do work so hard throughout the week and all. But, we mommas work so much too and it's hard to do little tasks like these. That's what Hubby's are for! In favor of the plaintiff, I hereby propose a day at the spa for sure! :P Hahaha, great post, made me chuckle.

  5. LOL! I can totally relate to this post! Thanks for joining Canadian Charisma today!

  6. Operation VHS reduction! That is great!


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