So I have had the weekend to ponder the whole diabetes thing and all the changes that are ahead of me. While part of me is sad that I am going to have to forego a lot of my favourites this holiday season, the other part of me is glad that I am going to be forced to make the changes I've been putting off to get healthier and lose weight.
I realize that there are a lot of things still available to me if I manage my diabetes well. After all, moderation is the key. However, when it comes to sweets it's very difficult to say no. I'm not talking any sweets, just ones I particularly have a weakness for like good chocolate, gooey chocolate caramels with nuts etc. Sure I can restrain myself from eating a whole box of chocolates but if that box is in my cupboard, I will pick away at it until it's gone. I am not one of those people that can eat two bites of a chocolate bar and then declare myself satisfied and put it away for another time. Oh how I envy you. (and hate)
But I digress. What really prompted me to write today was that the question arose in my mind of whether or not I tell anyone about this. I have told my mother, of course and one close girlfriend but I find myself with a sense of embarrassment about the whole thing. I have even held back from telling my MIL.
Why? For the same reason, I am loathe to admit my high blood pressure, because I'm overweight. I am even loathe to admit that fact on my blog and feel compelled to add that I'm only moderately overweight ... well I'm sure you understand. Only the reality that almost every one of us could stand to lose a few pounds reassures me.
I have gotten so hung up about my weight that I start to perceive that the only thing people see about me is how heavy I am. I'm having a hard time connecting with other moms at my girls' school, I put it down to my weight. I put off going to the doctor about any complaints because I feel they are just going to put it down to my being overweight and if I'd just lose weight everything would be fine. It's amazing how skewed our thinking can get and rational me can tell me I'm being silly but when I got snubbed out of the new mom group cause the other two moms clicked... I couldn't help feel it was because they were skinny and perfect, not to mention young while I was older and fat.
I don't really think I need to tell virtual strangers what's going on with me. However, once we explain to the children what's going on with mommy (I start pricking my fingers and testing my blood, there is no hiding it from them) they are going to talk about it... with anyone and everyone. That's just the way kids are.
Well, like everything in life I am going to just have to take it as it comes.. one day at a time.