Our Sunday did not go well and I have to say that it was pretty much my fault. I do not know why I act this way some times, perhaps you could tell me?
This is what happened.
We talked about going to the beach on Sunday. We get up, have breakfast and I go have my shower. I had sent J to her room because of her whining and talking back and when I saw the state of her room I instructed her to pick it up. Which, of course, prompted more whining and back talking so I got even more annoyed and told her if it wasn't done by the time my shower was over the rest was going in the garage.
So I go shower, I hear raised voices and arguing and when I'm done my shower I come out to find hubby helping J organize and put away her toys. This ticked me off for some reason. Partly because I had already done that this week and it was pointless as her room was completely turned out within a day and also partly because we were supposed to be going to the beach today, why would he start that kind of project at this time.
Still, I tell myself he couldn't very well take a shower when I was, could he? Well, maybe he could but the point was to get clean and get ready to go out. But he always does this when we have plans, just lazes around for as long as possible and then blames me that he didn't shower earlier because I was in the shower. He could have showered before me or even better.. jump in the shower as soon as I am done. I don't even have to be dressed, it's not like the kids need that much supervision now.
So half an hour goes by, he's still not showered, he's been after the kids continually (and has been all weekend in fact) and I next find him sitting on the couch watching cartoons with the kids. I ask him if I should call my mom (to see if we're going to their campsite) and he ignored me. Some other tiff occurs with the children and he's back upstairs getting after them. Finally he gets in the shower and comes down to a messy kitchen and I can tell by the way he stopped and the look on his face that he was annoyed I hadn't done this.
If you've read my blog earlier this week, you will understand a little of where I am coming from. The day before we had been working on the garage. I worked just as hard as he did, yet I still was the one to make the meals and clean up the mess after every meal. He'd just get up and bugger off to the garage leaving me with the mess and even when he came back from hauling stuff to the dump, did I get any help with dinner. Not a bit. He just crashed on the couch. So I thought to myself that there was no bloody way I was cleaning up the mess, and getting all the kids ready to go while he lounged around in the shower. Cause that's usually what happens. I usually end up doing it all while he's showering.
If he hadn't had that look on his face, I would have jumped up and helped. I don't mind doing the work together. But he started slamming things around as he started tidying up the kitchen. Which drives me crazy. I have to clean the mess all the time and I don't show my displeasure with sighs, grunts and slams when I do it. (okay sometimes I do but not generally).
So I buggered off upstairs and sat in the window seat. There I sat staring out the window contemplating my life and regrets and started to become depressed. My children soon followed me, of course, and ended up playing around me on the window seat and in the cradle. Which helped to take my mind off my own sad thoughts and made me realize why I read so much. If my mind isn't occupied, I'm too apt to dwell on the past.
Hubby eventually saunters in and asks if I've called my parents. I told him I had asked him if I should over an hour ago and he never answered me. His response.. "well I guess you better get on it". That's it. Nothing major, nothing harsh or silly. Yet, I was annoyed. So I just sat there while one by one they all left. Eventually I did come downstairs to find them all sitting like bumps watching t.v. I asked if that's all they were going to do... sit on the couch and watch t.v. ?
He, of course, was waiting for me to call. And I would have but why couldn't he have been getting ready to go? IF we didn't go to my parent's we were going to go to a beach closer to home. So either way we were going out. Why were they sitting watching t.v.?
Eventually the kids petitioned to go outside and they did. K finally asked me if we were doing anything and I responded I don't know. I did tell him that I was annoyed because he hadn't answered me this morning and how I didn't like his reaction to the messy kitchen, how I keep getting dumped on with all the work. I said it all nicely and calmly but of course I also had to throw in there... "and there you are sitting on your ass watching t.v. (he had at this point started watching Criminal Minds) when we've got piles up carpet, boxes and vinyl loaded up in front of the washer what needs to go in the crawlspace (this from our clean up of the garage on Sat) and I am not doing laundry until it's gone. I am not climbing over boxes to do it). Man like, he says nothing .. well I think he muttered, paused his show, got up and started hauling crap out of the closet, none too gently, so as to get access to the crawl space. Then he proceeded to vacuum.
Why oh why do men not get it? Just because I say help me... doesn't mean help me this minute. It doesn't mean that I want to drop everything, all our plans just so you can vacuum. Then he goes back and sits down on the couch and turns the t.v. back on. WTF?
Meanwhile the kids had been bugging me the whole time about going in the pool but I said no thinking we were going out. So I went outside and said I guessed they could go in the pool since daddy only wants to watch t.v.
And that was it... for the rest of the day. We still could have ended up going, it wasn't too late but when he decided to sit down and watch t.v. I gave up.
Of course, your mind goes back over everything that happens so as to be fully armed with every word that was said, every look that was sent so that when the arguments start you are prepared and justified in what you had done. Only I knew I had myself to blame. Sure he did minor petty annoying things but really, it was my own stubborness that really actually ruined our entire day.
Of course, when his show was done he stomped around the house some more. Oh he talked nicely to me but he'd disappear upstairs and then into the garage and then come out and announce that he fixed E's bike. Ladies, I had been asking him to fix that bike for weeks.
I tell you I cried like I hadn't in a really long time. Still when you tend to be a crier and well up over almost every argument, tears come across to him like no big deal. Why should he care that I was crying when I tend to tear up over most arguments anyways.
Like I said, it could have all been avoided. If I had just kept my mouth shut we would have been off to the beach. Better yet if I hadn't allowed myself to get annoyed way at the beginning and just called my mother, none of it would have happened.
I didn't really need to get into with him at that particular moment. I actually had been communicating some of my frustrations to him periodically throughout the week as conversations come up and as most of you know, it's better not to them over the head with it but give them something to ponder. Even so, it's still frustrating because while he listens, he never acknowledges the justness of my feelings or sometimes even he just laughs it off.
When I called my father that evening to talk to him about something else, I wasn't surprised when he told me that my mother had expected me to call that morning. Try and explain to your parents why you didn't bring their grandchildren out to see them because their mother was acting like a big baby.
It still bums me out. It's not like we can't go to the beach another day. It's just that I only generally take them when their dad's home and that's only on the weekends. Next weekend K and I are away and the summer is almost over. K is moving his video store in a couple of weeks so ventures to the beach are going to get pretty scarce. Every summer ends with a.... I wish we had done more things with the kids.