Tuesday, October 20, 2009

They Grow up So Fast

This is something that's been in the back of my mind for a few days now. As I contemplate my first sentence of this post tears immediately spring to my eyes. They grow up so fast and I don't know if I will ever be ready.

A lot of gals around the blogosphere and in my community seem to be expecting. It has given me not just a little baby envy. At first I thought it was because O is talking a mile a minute and seems so grown up for his 2 and 1/2 years. Not to mention that he was born at the size of a 3 month old and currently sports the size more apt of a 4 year old. He hasn't been very babyish for quite a long time. His only baby like behaviour of late is coming to me and saying he wants me and then wants up for a snuggle. I am more than happy to oblige my son with a cuddle.

But no, it wasn't that. It was E.

A few nights ago I slipped into her nightlight lit room to check to make sure she was covered. As I gazed upon her sweet little face in sleep, it struck me just how big my baby was getting. So intent am I on assisting her in learning her ABC's and working on her handwriting and homework with her each day that I forget just how much she is growing up. She is starting to recognize simple words and soon, if she is anything like her mother, will be reading a mile a minute. So I stopped and stared a little, taking in her sweet face, how she still snuggles her much loved and much frayed blankie and how sometimes she still sleeps with her bum in the air. Some times I am just in awe of how much my children have changed, how quickly they are learning, how fast they are growing.

I think we need those moments where we just stop talking, living, lecturing etc and just observe instead. Stop and take notice of the changes that are happening. Are they good? Are they bad? How can we do better?

Is this perhaps why we get baby envy? Because the ones we already have are growing up and exerting their independence in a thousand different ways. Do we have more children so we can continue to delight in their innocence and the simple joy that they bring us?

When I had O, he was such a different baby from my first two that I got a small sense of why people like the Duggars keep having so many children. Each child is a new little person just waiting to burst out and show their personalities. That could be just a little addicting that thrill of discovering a new little being.

However, O was such a traumatic labor and delivery that I vowed I would never want another baby after that. So why am I, 2 years before my 40th, suddenly longing for another child? Why is that I can tell myself that the cost is too much, diapers alone, that we are so close to having a regular life without naps and diapers and bottles etc so why would I complicate it by having another? Not to mention our stress level right now. Not to mention my mother would have a cow. She made it more than clear that she thought we were crazy to have the 3rd. Not withstanding that the 3rd was unexpected she made clear references to K getting fixed. Not that I should live my life by my mother's expectations but still it hurts to know she'd be upset and disapprove if we chose to have a 4th.

In my days of infertility I can remember talking to a friend who was 100% positive that two was enough, she did not want any more. I told her that I couldn't imagine not wanting to keep having children. I put that down to the fact that I hadn't had one yet. I find myself looking at those with larger families and envying them. I like to think that they just have more money than us so they can afford it. They probably don't but I can't imagine trying to afford another child on our current income. It's tough enough as it is without adding another diapered bum to the bunch. ;)

Well that post is sure to scare the crap out of my husband should he ever read it. I'm sure this phase will pass. I just have to keep reminding myself how insane it would be for us to have another right now. I'll let you know if that works. ;)

Which is why I am waiting for close friends (you know who you are) to actually have a baby so I can steal theirs once in a while.


5 comments:

  1. Hi! Just reminding you that you won the Betty Crocker GIve away I had! If you'll e-mail me your address I'll have the People at Betty Crocker send you a package! My e-mail address is jenna@thomasisn.net. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  2. They do grow up so fast. I only have one, and he's only 14 months, but I can already tell it is just going by too fast. It is scary and unbelievable. It is so very important to slow down and appreciate every moment we have with them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, I completely agree. My son was born big and though he is only 14 months, he's only 3LBS smaller than my almost 3 year old. DH is done with littles. I'm not sure I am, especially when reading about everyone expecting!!

    I teared up when I read your title! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  4. This was a brilliant post. It's amazing how fast kids grow. Sometimes I just want to freeze time and enjoy it. I thought I wanted four to six kids, but with this morning sickness, I'm thinking we'll adopt if I'm really hard up for another baby.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You always have those moments where you miss it. Having the little ones, being mommy, but it is only a moment.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for leaving a comment. I love hearing from you.

Disclosure

This policy is valid from 27 February 2009 This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me.
For questions about this blog, please contact Zeemaid at www.zeemaid.com.

This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation. This blog abides by word of mouth marketing standards. We believe in honesty of relationship, opinion and identity. The compensation received may influence the advertising content, topics or posts made in this blog. That content, advertising space or post will be clearly identified as paid or sponsored content. The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers' own.

Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.

This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest. To get your own policy, go to http://www.disclosurepolicy.org