Friday, September 4, 2009

May I present.... The Evidence

Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we are here today to present the case of Wife vs. Husband.

This, your Honor, is a case of epic proportions. The wife, being me, has begged, pleaded and in some cases I have to admit, nagged the Husband to put his Dental Floss Toothpicks away. The husband acknowledged said begs, pleas and nags with a shrug and a nod, only to perpetrate the crime once again. The husband has without conscience even left the toothpicks on the China Cabinet, made by the wife's father, a stated and expressed "no go zone". Meaning, the wife has set up the top surface of the china cabinet in a lovely display of family photos and ornaments and has expressly requested that nothing be set down there hence the "no go zone". The husband has repeatedly and wilfully abused the "no go zone".

May I present the evidence, your honor....

The cup holder in MY van

Kitchen Counter

The Window Ledge in our bedroom


On My China Cabinet - What I consider a "No Go Zone"
(Note there is also a pair of sunglasses teetering on the edge)

I believe the foregoing evidence makes my er the Wife's case. These were a few photos taken over the course of two days. All of the aforementioned picks are still residing where they were taken, the Wife feeling that she has 3 children already and should not have to pick up said picks.

Should your Honor require further evidence, you are welcome to visit their home.

I have no doubt your Honor you will find the husband guilty of wilful public mischief and desecration of the "no go zone". I ask that your Honor make an example of the husband for the sake of the couple's children, not be lenient, in short throw the book at him.

May I propose a few sentencing suggestions your Honor:

1. Pick up all offending toothpicks and promise heretofore never to leave the picks willy nilly around the house again.
2. A bouquet of flowers for me.. preferably Peonies in Pink or Champagne
3. A dinner out on the town, the accused may or may not not choose to come
4. A solemn promise to never leave the %@$! toothpicks lying around the house again.
5. A heartfelt apology and acknowledgment that I am ALWAYS right.

and if I'm not going to far with this your Honor..

6. A girls day at the spa paid in full by the accused for whatever pampering I choose to do.

Thank you, your Honor, for your thoughtful and careful consideration of this matter. I am sure you will see it my er the Wife's way.


Sigh.... he did buy me a Blackberry.

17 comments:

  1. I am totally with you on this and may I say I find dental floss around myself.

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  2. Oh no, he needs to pick that up and throw it away! LOL!

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  3. Let's go with malicious mischief and emotional duress. He must do all of the above. Relief granted.

    Trust me...I'm a paralegal!

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  4. I can so relate to this, only with cups. Here a cup, there a cup....every single room..a cup.

    Ugh.

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  5. Buy your husband a Gripit Floss Holder - www.gripit.biz - to keep his floss neatly stored and ready to floss daily. These handy devices
    come with their own floss supply that can be advanced in seconds and refilled from local drug and grocery stores. They last a lifetime and don't clog landfills. I've had one for 35 years and my wife never gets on my case for leaving floss around.

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  6. Um, why doesn't he just throw them away after using them? Instead of leaving them random places like the cup holder of your cars.

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  7. Eww. And weird. He walks around the house, cleaning his teeth? As a member of the jury, I plead for the plantiff.

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  8. Hey, I found this post extremely funny! I'm sure my wife can relate to your story. Her pet peeve is when I forget (almost all the time!) to turn off or unplug electrical items (lighting, fan, TV).

    To Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com: Is that the new lyrics for the "Old McDonald" nursery rhyme? :)

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  9. hey If I knew why he'd did it, I'd probably solve the whole problem. Forgetfulness is my best bet. He hates having food stuck in his teeth. So out comes the picks.... sigh...

    I'm having fun though cause all your comments keep making me chuckle and he wants to know why I'm chuckling. I told him to read my blog... so far he's too chicken too. *LOL*

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  10. I think that your Jury Duty time went to your head a little bit! Or you have been watching too many crime hows on tv! But how could you rest to wtach tv when there are used picks lying all around you? The evidence clearly shows foul play. I hope the judge follows your suggestions of sentencing!

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  11. Sorry...Blackberry is not enough for this offense. No way. Backrubs for a month on top of it? Maybe.
    Yuck. My DH does this, too. Do they not realize that are leaving gross, rotten food particles all around with their floss/picks? barf. Really.

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  12. Guilty for sure. If he still can't remember throwing them away after all these suggestions, may I suggest sewing a pocket directly onto his chest so he *always* has someplace to put them until he gets to a trash can. Just a thought :)

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  13. That is so funny! I have totally taken pictures of my husband's shoes that he always leaves out! It's that whole consequence/reward (for me) thing that I need to be better at. I could forget about it with a blackberry!

    Great blog! (visiting from SITS)

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  14. Haha! I'm single and "searching" (sigh)... but today, I'm happy to only have to deal with my own mess! :)

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  15. Oh gag...Well at least he is flossing right? ;)

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  16. Hmmm, guess I'd better make sure my picks are where they are supposed to be! I loved this post - great way to presenting your case!

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  17. This was much more creative than my method of just whining and moaning... Too cute!

    Did it work?

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