Monday, August 24, 2009

A Mixed up Kind of Day - Warning

I don't even know how to start this post today. I don't know how to convey two points in a message and not make one seem trivial beside the other.

The fact is - we did get an offer last night. It was a good offer only it's subject to the sale of their home. A home which is not on the market yet and we have no idea how much they are thinking they'll get for it etc. We will meet with the realtor this afternoon and get an understanding of what his take is on it. It would mean that we'd still be in months of uncertainty and that E would have to start school here until their house was sold. They're only asking for 10 weeks but still. If it goes it wouldn't be a big deal. We just don't know.

The second thing is so much harder to write and if I hadn't had it to write you would have gotten a much more detailed and lengthy (and probably boring) version of the whole thing. None of that really matters right now.

What I hadn't mentioned earlier this week was that a son of a friend of mine had been hit by a car this week. He wasn't wearing a helmet although they say that likely would not have made a difference. He was airlifted to the children's hospital and was listed there in critical condition all week. Now almost a week since his accident I have just received the news that he has died. At twelve years old.

How do you comfort a mother who has lost her child in a sudden and tragic way? There are no words, there is no comfort.

Among the tears I've cried this morning not only for this boy but for his mother, it hits me how quick life can change. That morning my friend and her youngest daughter had been over for tea while that son babysit the other children. (She has 5 at home). To remember the phone call she made to him to ask him if it was okay for him to look after the kids a little longer while she stayed for tea. They live literally 5 houses away. To remember the phone call she got back as he cheekily tried to negotiate for a video game rental since he was babysitting for him and to think that it was that very afternoon that saw my friend's world come crashing down around her.

The only small thing is that they told her the helmet wouldn't have saved his life, so she doesn't have that to blame herself with. Not that he wasn't a big boy and knew the rules, but as moms we take all that stuff on. I am sure though she will find plenty of other things to regret. We always do.

You just never know when your spouse, child, parent, sister, brother, friend, whoever, goes out that door if it's the last they will ever see of them. Life can be all too painfully short for some of us.

I don't know how my friend is going to cope over the next few months. It's been one day and I am sure it seems like an eternity of misery to her already.

I am sure you've all heard stuff like this before. I know I have and I've often thought of the what ifs when K leaves for work after we've had a fight. No I Love You's were said, no have a good day honey. Just anger and silence. What if something bad happened? I'd regret it forever.

Now is a time to think on what I'd regret if something bad happened to anyone in my family today. In the meantime, I am going to go and hug my kids.

14 comments:

  1. Hi, I was stopping by from SITS, just to share some comment love. However, now I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I'm so very sorry about your friend's son. It is very sad and scary how quickly our lives can turn on a dime.

    I have had several friends lose their precious baby right before or at delivery time over the last couple of years and that is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to deal with when it comes to one of my friends. The loss of a child. I believe there is no greater pain in this world than losing a child, no matter what their age.

    In my dealings with this tragic event, one of my dearest, closest friends lost her son, Jack. They found out right before they induced her labor that he no longer had a heartbeat. She had to labor and deliver him anyway. That was over 2 years ago. These last two years have been really, really tough. Since that time, she has said that the greatest help to her during the initial grieving time was when friends would come and just sit with her. When they would sit and say absolutely nothing to try to console her. Just sit. And listen.

    There are no words when something like this happens. When you try to say something, it is always inadequate. So if I could encourage you in any way, it would be to just sit with your dear friend. Listen IF she wants to talk but don't try to say very much. There will be far too many people who try to rationalize that this was God's will, that he's in a better place, that he's not in any pain any longer, etc. While every bit of this is true, this is not what a grieving mother wants to hear right now. She just needs to grieve her loss. She needs a soft shoulder to cry on and ears that will listen.

    I hope I have not over-stepped my bounds. I merely want to offer a bit of help since I have been through this a lot lately. I will definitely keep you, your friend and her family close in my thoughts and prayers.

    Many Blessings,

    Teresa <><

    The Story Of Why I Blog:
    http://toomanyheartbeats.blogspot.com/2009/07/document.html

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  2. This is terrible news. I recently received similar news about a family friend, and was devastated by it. I did not know the kid very well, he had talked to me on just a few occasions. I cried for his mother, and could not imagine how she must have been feeling. How hard it is for us mothers to give birth and then raise kids, and how quickly they can be taken away.
    I agree with Teresa, though. Sit and listen. There are no words that can heal the mother's wounds at this time.
    You will be in my prayers.

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  3. This is every mother's nightmare. I am so sorry for your friend, for you and for every other mother out there that has been touched by such tragedy. You are all in my prayers. Thank you for sharing such pain, only to remind us of the frailty of life and how unpredictable it is.

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  4. First off, that's great you got an offer. Good luck on your decision.
    Second, I'm so sorry for your friend. That must be just horrible.
    *hugs* to you and your friend.

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  5. "You just never know when your spouse, child, parent, sister, brother, friend, whoever, goes out that door if it's the last they will ever see of them. Life can be all too painfully short for some of us."

    You can never say this often enough. I lost may father at age 13 and a good friend suddenly last December. I have never lost a child and I shudder to wonder whether I could survive it.

    Why share that? To reinforce your message, I believe. We get so caught up in the cares of everyday life, that we let the little things destroy us and get between us. When, if we remember this very key point you have made, our lives would be richer for it.

    Every moment counts. Every touch matters.

    Thank you for this reminders. My thoughts and prayers with you the grieving momma.

    I'm so sorry for her loss.

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  6. I am so sorry for your friend. What a crushing loss of an innocent life. ((hugs to you all))

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  7. Your friend will be in my prayers tonight. So tragic.

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  8. You just never know when your spouse, child, parent, sister, brother, friend, whoever, goes out that door if it's the last they will ever see of them. Life can be all too painfully short for some of us.."

    You hit the nail on the head. I'm so very sorry for your friend's loss. But I know you will rally to her side. Be the best friend that you can possibly be... she's going to need you, and everything this world has to offer. That is a staggering loss to suffer.

    I'll keep you all in my prayers.

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  9. Oh my gosh, how incredibly sad. :-( My condolences to your friend on such a tragic loss. My heart aches for her and her family.

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  10. I can never keep myself from crying hearing news like this! I have tears in my eyes and my heart is breaking for your friend and I don't even know her! :-(... I hope and pray for your friend and her family

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  11. How awful!! It does really make you think about how fast your life could change.
    And the house deal, doesn't really sound too promising :( especially in this market.

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  12. Just sent my twelve year old off to school this morning after spending the whole summer with him. Your post is a reminder how in the blink of an eye any of our lives could change. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend's son. My thoughts and prayers are with them...

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  13. Visiting from SITS. I'm so sorry about your friend's son. Wow. I have no idea what to do in that situation but what I've heard many times from those who have lost loved ones is just knowing people care makes all the difference. There's nothing you can say, really...just hug her. Let her know you're there for her. Do whatever you can to help out with things. That's all you really can do.

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  14. You are right there are no words. You can't help her with words but you can hold her and cry with her. Lend her some of your strength to grieve with. My heart and sympathy are with her and you.

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