Tuesday, August 25, 2009

It's Tough To Post.

Boy, posting is tough. I probably have gone back and deleted what I have written about three times now. Yet this has become how I get things out and off my chest these days.

As you can imagine, uppermost in our minds right now is dealing with the death of my friend's son. Tomorrow my friend has invited us to McDonald's so that we can at least in some way celebrate her youngest son's birthday. I asked if she was sure she was up to it but she didn't want to see his birthday go by unacknowledged. This is going to be tough.

I have never been one of those demonstrative people. I am usually worried about stepping over other people's boundaries. Some people are pretty open to hugs etc and other people seem very closed off. You can always tell when you hug someone and they are not a hugger. This I think comes from my mom. She's a very closed off person. You see her hug and kiss the grandchildren and so I know she must have been like that with me when I was a kid but as an adult, she rarely ever spontaneously hugs you. Not sure exactly why this is. She had a tough childhood and had to grow up quick. I just hope that I don't withdraw from my kids physically like that when they get older. That would be a real shame.

Still I am going to do my best to be there for her and to be as supportive as I can.

I drove by the intersection where he died, it's literally at the bottom of my street. They have a memorial up for him there. It made me cry.

Saturday is the funeral. Fortunately K's parents will be around to babysit so K and I can both go. He has been just as affected as I have. Monday, when he walked through the door, the first time he did was to come and give me a big hug. I wondered why as he hadn't put his things away yet but then I remembered. I had pushed it all back to the back of my mind so that I could care for my own kids and meet their needs. He then went around the table and kissed each one of the children. He, too, realizes how precious our time with them really are and how quickly it can all change.

I can't see having much time to post until Thursday. We have another joint edition of Top Ten Thursday coming up.

Thank you to all of you who took the time to comment and post your warm thoughts, prayers and advice. I really do appreciate it all. Unfortunately, we've been so busy with this and the possible sale of our house that I haven't had time to respond to you individually. Again, thank you.

7 comments:

  1. I don't have words to really express how awful this is. I will be praying for his family and all who knew him. A mother always aches for her child & you are a good friend to try to be there for her.

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  2. Take care of yourself and your family! Posting can take a backseat! We'll all understand and be waiting! (((HUGS)))

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  3. Oh my goodness, my heart is aching for your friend and her family. It's so sad. I'm sure whatever you do or however you reach out to your friend will be appreciated. Sometimes just knowing someone's there in the event that you need to lean on them is comfort enough.

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  4. I can't even imagine the pain. Just be as strong as you can. And don't worry about stepping over boundaries. I never ask for help, even when I need it. And sometimes it's just because I don't know what I need. I'd imagine people in your friend's situation feel a lot of that: helpless and desperately in need... but in need of... what? So cross the boundaries with flying leaps. Be touchy-feely.

    I know this hurts, but she is lucky to have you. It will have to get a lot worse for her before it can get better.

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  5. *Hugs* You're a good friend. You'll know what to do when you're there with her. You'll just know. Take all the time you need for you and your family, and we'll wait.

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  6. Thinking of you and your friend...the fact that you are simply there for her will be enough.

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  7. Okay I am kind of sad I found your site today. This post has just really touched and saddened my heart. I can't and hope to never have to imagine the loss of a child. I would say be there for her and just be yourself. That is why she chose you as a friend to begin with. Sometime all a person needs is just to know someone is there for them. I wish I was there to hug her. Ok, well I have to get off to go and hug my kiddos now.

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