Wednesday, June 24, 2009

No WW Today it's the Poop Diaries


It starts immediately, the poop, from the first outpouring of that sticky, tarlike stuff that was nigh impossible to wipe off their newborn baby butts. Then there are the many shifting phases of poop from nursing poop to formula poop to solid foods poop (OMG the smell) and real milk poop. Oh yeah.

Then we get the diarrhea poop, that explodes from their butt all the way up to their ears and down to their toes. So slick with runny poop you have to peel their sleeper off and there is no way you're gonna get this done without getting your hands dirty. Every mom has worn poop on some part of their body at some point in their mommyhood.

Then there's the sneaky poop. The baby is lying there, googling and gurgling in their bouncy seat. No noticeable malodorous smells, that is until you pick up the baby. You notice a dark stain on the cuddly seat, turn the baby and notice a dark poop stain spreading up the baby's back. The baby usually giggles gleefully at this point. Even as young as a newborn they giggle at our discomfort at the many, many presents they are so gracious enough to share with us.

Am I leading up to something with said poop dialogue? You bet I am.

O is two. He's on the path to potty training, expressing an interest in it this last week or two. He likes to take off his diaper and sit on the potty. Imagine mommy's surprise when she's trying to have a shower to peek out of the shower curtain to see O sitting on the kid potty telling her he had a poop. Sure enough he's poopy and so is the entire potty seat plus there is a poopy diaper out there somewhere just waiting to be stepped on by amazingly unobservant children. Mommy has to find the diaper, wet and naked, and scoop up the nice little pile of poop that fell out of the diaper, clean O's butt and the potty cause you know you can't leave it until you are done your shower. Nice try dude, next time go on the potty before you poop.

But yesterday.. well that was the topper. I look outside to see O, naked butt, pushing the cozy coup car around the backyard. Naked. Not a usual state in our backyard for this household. I look a little closer, what's that on his butt.... yup it's poop. His entire backside is covered with poop. I run for the wipes and head outside.

Not only does he have a poopy diaper out there but there's also a pile of poop on the sidewalk, plus at some point he must have visited the sandbox because he's got sand stuck to the poop on his butt. Then E says I'll help Mommy, and grabs one of her plastic shovels and shovels up the poop. Because, after all that's what you do with poop, right, shovel it up. I'm trying to catch and wipe the poop off O and turn in time to see J run over with the sand bucket in which E now proceeds to dump the poop in. WTH?!? STOP TRYING TO HELP!!!!

Course at Nana's we shovel up the dog poop off the lawn. Yes but that's generally dried out poop and it's a garden shovel. Not a toy shovel and bucket that we have now got to wash in addition catching said poopy kid and cleaning him off. Cause you know they just run when they see you coming. Laughing gleefully, of course.




13 comments:

  1. I know I will regret sharing this. It's a jinx. But Belly has yet to give me any horrible poop stories. The child is almost one. Miss D., on the other hand, oh man. Too many horrid poop stories to count.

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  2. ROTFLMBO! Oh my gosh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed that laugh today!

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  3. Bwahahaha!!

    Having officially passed this stage I can laugh :) Hang in there!

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  4. See...this is exactly why I am dreading potty training my 2 yr olds. I'm so not ready to go through this all over again!

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  5. You didn't just throw the shovel and bucket away?

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  6. Right there with you. Kaiya not only takes off her own diapers she starts wiping herself. The other day she got poop all over our chair in the living room. Yuck.

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  7. OMG. I cannot stop laughing!! My kids think I am nuts right now. This is so freaking funny!! Of course it's funnier because I am not there DEALING with it, but still.

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  8. Thing Two used to wait until 2 minutes before we had to walk out the door to have one of his butt explosions. Glad he's 11 now and doesn't need me to wipe his butt :)

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  9. My gag reflex is already at work just reading this posting....I couldn't do it.

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  10. I just connected to you via SITS, love your blog. :) This made me LOL, and I admired the fact that you didn't take pictures. ;-) My parents have a photo of me doing something very similar when I was about three years old, and the photo often circulates when we have family events, or...when I bring a boyfriend home. *sigh*

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  11. ah poop...the gift that just keeps on giving...sadly, two of my kidlets also vastly enjoyed pooping in their swim diapers in the pool...i still have e coli nightmares.

    gotta say...i do not miss the poop days with my darlings at. all.

    blessings,

    alison
    stuff and nonsense

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  12. Happy SITS day. I laughed so hard I choked and the kids came running from all over the house. To see if I would live, apparently.

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  13. A isn't quite to the point of taking off her own diapers yet so I'm worried of what lies ahead! So this post totally cracked me up and scared the bejeezus out of me! LOL! Happy SITS day!

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