Friday, May 8, 2009

A really bad mommy momment.


Well I'm going to steal CK's blog title for this post today.  (Sorry CK but when you read what I have to say you will understand). 

I went to a mother's day tea party with J (3) and had to take O with me as well.  It went wonderfully well.  We ate strawberries, cake and whipped cream and drank iced tea in tea cups.  My little J was adorable and O decided he really liked this tea party stuff.  I think he just about drank the whole pot of iced tea. 

We went to pick of E.  I didn't have the stroller so I had to drag/pull O all around the school building to the new pick up spot.   The new pick up spot has a playground.   Yeah.  So O's entertaining himself pretty well on the slide etc.  I have to hover because he's still little and this equipment is meant for school kids.  So E arrives and we head home.  Or at least try to.  O's having fun.  He doesn't want to go.  So I end up carrying a wriggling 36 pound 2 year old all the way around the other side of the building back to the parking lot.  Lots of fun. 

We get home, carefully carry in the mother's day present that J had made at school.  It was a flowerpot full of dirt and just starting to sprout seedlings and a card.  J keeps going on how it's her present not E's or O's, rubbing quite frankly in their faces.  I keep telling her that no, it's mommy's mother's day present, so it's my present. J keeps trying to open it, it was wrapped in cellophane.  I finally get so annoyed with the carping that I said fine, you can have it and helped her open up the cellophane.  But that's not all.. they continue to fight and argue and tell each other to stay away from the plant so much so that I finally lose it.  I pick up the flower pot and proceed to huck it, yes I hucked it, out the open door.  Not, shall we say, my finest moment. 

So what should happen?  Well, I guess my throwing arm is out of practice from those days of ball playing, cause it didn't make it out the door.  The pot did.  It made it all the way to the back fence.  The dirt... well it hit the window, the blinds, my alarm system panel, my bench, the baseboard heater, the floor, my shoes, my coats, my bags... the floor, the carpet.  In other words, it went everywhere.  

Of course the kids are losing it.  Banded together suddenly by grumpy mommy's outburst they are hugging and consoling one another.  Which makes me even more annoyed cause one minute ago you couldn't get them to speak nicely to each other. 

So I drag out the vacuum and proceed to vacuum it all up.  My 5 year old decides to lecture me on how I did not do a nice thing and how I hurt J's feelings etc.  Fortunately, I couldn't hear most of it over the noise of the vacuum.  When I am in the "high" of frustration/anger, I am not ready to be patronized or rationalized with.  I have to come down off the anger first.  So vacuuming was a good thing to be engaged with at the moment. 

But it doesn't really get better. O decides to have an all out tantrum.  We'd all been up early that morning and he was tired and wanted something he couldn't have.  I'm trying to make lunch while I have this whiny, crying 2 year old standing there pushing me to get my attention etc.  I get him calmed down only to find out he wants me to carry him.  Uh uh. No way.  I'd had enough of carrying kids on my hip while I tried to get supper made.  Besides he's heavy.  Put him down, sob city once more.  By this point, I am in tears.  Both at how awful I was being and by all the crying/whining.  Nothing gets me more frazzled than an overabundance of tears that are out of my power to console.  

We finally eat lunch, all the while E is praising me to the sky.  She wants me to know how much she loves me.  She's thanking me for lunch, she's thanking me for being a good mommy, how pretty I am, you name it, over and over again.  She wants me to feel better she said.  How could she know that every sentence out of her mouth was like loading up the guilt for my earlier outburst.  A twist of the knife if you will.  

So I'm feeling pretty bad by now.  (I'm not completely irredeemable you know)  I get O down for his nap and the girls set up with colouring and I sneak out the back yard to grab the flower pot,  which thankfully was still intact.   I was thinking I could still rescue her plant.  But no, this is when I find out that the entire pot had gotten dumped in my house and I must have vacuumed up all the little seedlings.  Undaunted, I shovel some dirt from the garden into the pot.  I look up there's E.  I tell her to be quiet that I want to fix J's plant but I don't want J to know.  E looks at me says okay and "you're doing a good thing mom".   Ouch. 

So I find a small plant, stick it in the pot and bring it in and show J and tell her that her plant is alright. She looks at it and says .."Did you get dirt from Papa's garden?"   BUSTED.  She can't see the garden from where she's sitting but she's a smart cookie.  She knew that there was a lot of dirt on the floor that I had vacuumed up.  But I  think I did manage to fool her about the plant because her face was wreathed in smiles.  I know it's a lie but if I can make her feel better it's worth it.  I did say I was sorry and gave her a big hug too. 

So when hubby comes home that night, he knew something was up cause I had said something to him via email earlier but he didn't know what.  I had to work so I didn't really want to talk about it before hand because I knew it would get me crying again.   But when I went to go to work he noticed dirt on top of the alarm unit.  I hadn't noticed it.  So I tell him the story thinking he's going to be horrified with me.  Well he starts laughing and laughing and laughing.  It made me feel a little better. 

Still.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I should say this isn't like me.  I'm not normally this irrational.  Emotional maybe, crazy irrational.. no.  The only thing I can say is that my PMS has been getting out of hand lately.  I never used to get many symptoms but I'm finding myself more and more grumpy for like an entire week. So if any of you have any good ideas re mood boosting naturally, I'd love to hear it.  

9 comments:

  1. Well, I don't really have any good ideas to boost your mood. I give myself a timeout when I'm that on edge. I tell the kids that they are literally pushing me over the edge and that I'm going to go sit in my room until I can stand to be around them without wanting to beat my head against the wall. I don't do it often but when I do it usually makes enough of an impression that they get their act together...

    We've all been there.

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  2. I like it.. a timeout for mom. I should do that next time. Counting to 100 can help too. when you remember to do it. *L*

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  3. Well this made me feel better. I once splattered 7-up all over the car b/c I was so frustrated. The bad part is I still haven't cleaned it up... so there is this sticky stuff all over the dashboard.

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  4. Wow!!! They really pushed you to the edge. It happens.
    I have a little thing that I do when my kiddies are really working me over. I do the opposite. It started when my son was a newborn and would cry ALL the time and my daughter would follow me around crying because she wanted me to stop comforting him and do something for/with her. I would stand there holding a screaming child in my arms with a screaming child behind me and I felt like I could walk right out the door and leave those kids in the house without looking back. When I felt like screaming or leaving or throwing something or crying, I would just start laughing. I know it sounds crazy, but I just started laughing and that led to my theory of doing the opposite. Now that my kids are older, if they are driving me to the edge, I just do something silly. Like turn on music and start dancing with them or I'll get down on the floor and do a flip. I do something to break up the tension.
    Oh, btw, now that I've typed a book on your blog....my name is Sapphire...nice to meet you!

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  5. Well, as you read recently, I have a mood thang that's medicate-able (if that were even a word). And I've not been able to medicate, so I have a number of things I do to chill myself out as much as possible. At the top of the list is always go to bed early during grumpy stretches. Second on the list is call in the help -- play dates, my parents, the babysitter, etc. It might sound odd, but I've also found that doing for others OTHER than my kids or husband can give me a boost -- remind me I'm not on this planet solely to change diapers, humor a preschooler, etc. I volunteer at Hospice, and that always puts things in perspective. And a really odd-sounding thing that I did one time, which worked wonders for me, was to make a reward chart for ME! Years ago, when our first was around two years old, I found myself just pushed to the brink and doing a lot of yelling, cursing to myself, etc. So I put up a chart on the fridge with a column for yelling, another for cursing, and another for something else I can no longer remember. Each day that I'd go without doing those things, I'd give myself a star, and at the end of the week, if I'd made it without doing any ot those things, I'd give myself a reward of some sort. It worked wonders, to have that visual reminder to myself on the fridge. Whatever the case, your bad mommy moment sounds like it was just that -- a moment. As your kiddo said, you did a good thing the way you fixed it up. :)

    (Sorry for the long comment!)

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  6. thanks JennyPenny for your words of encouragement and ideas! :)

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  7. I'm sorry you had a bad day, but it did make for a good post. We all have those days. Some advice from my mom: Never throw nail polish in a rage.

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  8. We ALL have those moments. We're totally human and that means we lose it every now and then. I love that you made it up to J, even if you got a teensy bit busted for it. I think that's the key for all of us - know when you have to go for the mommy time out (even if it can't be for a bit) and know when you have to do something to say you're sorry.

    Boy... I even have "bad wife moments"... can I blame those on pms too?

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