Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Shrug My Shoulders


I shrug my shoulders. So what. Everyone shrugs their shoulders, I know. For me though it's one of those little things I do when I'm annoyed at my husband. It's not a silent up yours or even a "whatever". It's a I'm annoyed but I really shouldn't be or I'm annoyed but this is it's not worth fighting about so I'm gonna keep my mouth shut kind of shrug. Wow. Who knew we had so much in our body language, right?
It could be a "whatever or up yours" kinda shrug but it's not. It's just what I do instead of saying all those things you really shouldn't say. Kind of like counting to 10 before you open your mouth and put your big ol size 10's in it. Now I have heard of couples that drive each other crazy with these little quirks and instantly get all fired up when they see their spouse do it but I don't think K even realizes that I do this. If he does, he has enough tact to just let it go. (He does fire up at eye rolling though. How many times have you had to say "What.. I wasn't rolling my eyes, I just happened to glance up that's all" *L*)

What do you do when you're annoyed? Do you just let him have it? Is he happy? Are you happy?

Now I am all for justice. I hate to lose an argument when I know I'm right and I mean when I am actually right not just think I'm right. If I have the facts in hand, I want people to know the truth. I want to be vindicated. Course that's not my job. That is actually God's job. But darn it, I want vindication now. And that goes doubly so for my husband.

However, it doesn't always feel good winning. Especially when it's at the cost of a lot of arguing with your spouse. He may bow down and say I'm right but what have I really accomplished? Have I not perhaps done more damage by pushing the issue? I'm not saying that you have to lay down and let him walk all over you, stroke his ego 24/7 etc. Not at all, but is it really worth arguing over who does more housework, who ate the last piece of pie, who made the bed last, who does more laundry, care for the children more, has a harder time of it... etc. etc. etc. Does it really matter, are we not a team working together towards one common goal?

Recently I gained a valuable tip on re-reading Little Women. Marmee was trying to help Jo with her temper and shared how she, herself, is angry every day of her life. What she would do was close her mouth firmly and even sometimes just leave the room for a minute until she was over it. I liked this idea for I am often angry with my children. It served as a reminder to me that we as the adults are to check our emotions. We're so caught up with ourselves and our feelings these days that we forget that it's not healthy to our children to just let it all out all the time. We need to learn to deal with emotions properly in order to properly teach our children how to deal with them.

So, when I'm angry it has helped for me to remember this. Pressing my lips together actually does help to remind me that I need to have patience and stops me from being quick to anger.

The other tip I learned from this book was to be the first to apologize. If he won't do it, don't wait. Don't let resentment and bitterness brew between you. Be the first to apologize. More often than not, both parties were in the wrong. By doing this you are helping smooth the way to better communication and even a better marriage. How often have you said sorry and he's immediately backed down and apologized himself?

This post does not in any way advocate men's dominance over women etc. They are actually... dare I call them principles (?) that you can lay down in any relationship that you may have. This world would be a better place if people would relax and try to get along more.

So, I shrug. What do you do?

Cheers

Zeemaid

** to any one reading this... sorry if I come off preachy in this. I really tried not to but I wanted to put my thoughts to paper so to speak and am not sure how much sense I'm making.***

1 comment:

  1. This was really helpful. A little hard to swallow but because it was true. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete

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