Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Are We Done Yet?


*Content warning: description of labour/delivery. Not for the faint of heart *L*

Are we done yet. I refer, of course, to having children. I chuckle as I type this. A month ago I was adamant that we were done. Finito. While I enjoyed being pregnant, I dreaded each delivery.

The last was the worst. My son was 12 pounds when he was born and yes I delivered him "naturally", screaming all the way. When I was initially in labour, sweat broke out on my lip and the nurse actually said to me, "you poor thing, trouble is, you know what's coming". Not only that, my blood pressure had been spiking and I had all the tell tale signs of First syndrome. Something very dangerous to both the baby and myself. Of course, they never keep you fully drugged either. I had an epi with the first which actually caused me to relax so my labour could progress but when it wore off..... *bleep* and my 2nd, I was too late. My husband figured I had a ways to go so he drove SLOW. Can you believe it? He's been apologizing to me ever since.

But the third... well that one was a kicker. Kicker pain that is. They'd let the epi wear off and then I knew it'd be another 20 or so minutes before the anesthesiologist would get there. (that's how it works in our hospital). O wouldn't turn and so the doctor said he'd give me more drugs and get an obstetrician in to help turn the baby etc. He left to make the calls when the nurse showed me a different breathing technique. Well I tried it and next thing you O turned and he was coming.

Bad thing was, he got stuck. They had me flipped five ways from Sunday and compressed so I couldn't breathe as they tried to manually force me to continue to push him out. Dr. B was all set to break little O's shoulder to get him out when he finally did come out. But he was so blue. I remember looking at my mom and K and seeing tears run down their faces while I'm struggling to catch my breath. What's wrong, I asked. My husband would wipe his tears and smile at me saying nothing honey, push. What would you think at that? I thought the worst... that my baby was stillborn.

Fortunately, he wasn't. He was mostly blue because of how much bruising he had undergone from being stuck and my strong contractions. He was a little short of oxygen but tests later showed that he still had enough. He ended having to stay in the nursery and had a heart murmur. His shoulder wasn't broken but he was unable to move one arm. Fortunately that resolved itself within 2 weeks. My son is now 18 months old and very very healthy but it still brings tears to my eyes when I think of it.

Phew what a long tale to make a point but I think it gives a clearer picture of why we were pretty much done having kids. That and my mom would probably have a great big cow if we had another one. She made no bones about her opinions on that front. Don't get me wrong, she loves my kids and me for that matter, she just doesn't think we should add to our stress etc.

Not that that would greatly deter us if we were set on having more... Although I do have a complicated relationship with my mom and still at 37 try and seek her approval. ARGHHH.

Anyways to get back to what I was saying. I've been having troubles with my cycles and this last one I've figured out I'm on like day 47. So that's pretty long right. I've had long cycles before but not that long. The only thing is that I know K and I have been very careful so I pretty much knew that the chance of me being pregnant was Zero. Still, it niggles at you. I told K and he thought immediately that I was joking. So several days go by. Still no period. Finally, I make him buy me a test. Turns out negative... like I thought but I have to admit I was disappointed. Before I even said anything, K looked at the test and said "it's negative, eh? That's disappointing." Well, you could have floored me. Turns out he had been thinking of it in a positive light. Maybe we'd get a brother for O. He just was more worried about my health with it etc.

Crazy,eh? Especially when we keep saying to ourselves that we are almost there, you know past the difficult baby years. We're almost done with diapers, sleepless nights, terrible twos, being tied down by nap times.

So I just don't know. Maybe if I can get my blood pressure in check, lose some weight, just maybe we might try again after O's 2. Wow. What an idea. It's either that or our close friends have to have a baby (You know who you are LC & KC) and it will be out of my system for good because I'll get to cuddle theirs. Let's cross our fingers on that one.

How many do you want?

Cheers,

Zeemaid
In the Mommy Trenches

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