Friday, November 21, 2008


Do you have a favourite child? I don't. Or, at least I don't think I do. Subjectively, I can look at all 3 of my children and feel that I love them all equally.

Having said that, I find so often that I cater to E (the oldest) first. To clarify, she's often the one that gets first pick whether it's snack, movies or even what colour of cup she drinks from. If we have two cups and one is pink, I usually give her the pink one. Why is that? Is it because I've been with her 2.5 years longer than J and so I'm more in tune with her wants, likes and dislikes more? I don't know. It's either that or I know she will kick up the biggest stink if she gets thwarted. Not to say E gets her own way all the time. Since I am aware of it, I do try and make sure I'm being fair to J. (O's not really on the radar for this yet because a) he's a boy and b) he's still fairly little).

Take J's birthday for example. Her birthday is coming up soon. We have been having the hardest time shopping for a present. What does she want? She's turning 3 and so all we've actually heard her say is she wants one of those small laptop type computers. Fine. That's easy. But what else? We walked down the toy aisles rejecting idea after idea because the toy would be so cool that E would want one to and we could foresee sharing issues. In other words, E would take over. How stupid is that? J can't get a cool toy because of E? For Christmas, we have literally bought two of everything.

So finally, we decided to buy her a dollhouse for her birthday. I'm realizing that even this is a compromise. It's a cool toy but it's one that's obviously going to be shared between the girls. Lucky O will never this problem. Of course, lots of boy toys are pretty cool too but I can tell you we probably will never not buy him something because of his sisters.

Is this playing favourites?

In analyzing this little phenomenon, I have come to the realization that up until J turned 2 and a half, she didn't have a preference. She has now found her little voice and is finally speaking up and letting me know what she wants. Up until this point, it was easy to cater to E because J just didn't care if she got the blue or the pink cup. I think supernanny would call that "accidental parenting". You know where you set up a precedent that you really didn't mean to and now have to fix. Yii. Poor E, yet something else she will have to adjust to.


In the Mommy Trenches

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