Friday, August 15, 2008

Feeling Sorry for Myself


Remember when I said I was feeling more positive? Yeah, right. That went out the window about 3 days ago. We are now approaching day 11 of the flu. To top it off, my two youngest now seem to have hand, foot and mouth disease. The odd thing is that they still are throwing up. Just when I think we're taking a turn for the better, one of them starts upchucking again. By this point, we've almost gone through an entire box of diapers (from the diarrhea) and I have washed my hands so many times my skin burns every time the water hits it.

And........ typical kid style they like to have interrupted sleep all night, get you up at 5 a.m. and then have a nice 3 hour nap at opposite times I might add, so there is no possibility of my having a nap. I have to do about 4 loads of laundry a day from all the poop and puke explosions, we've steam cleaned the couch cushions 3 times now and have had to spot clean the living room carpets at least 4 times. Fortunately, a few of the worst moments were on the linoleum, easy cleanup.

So I'm tired and heartily sick of sick kids. When I went to get dressed this morning, knowing that I'd have to wait to grab a shower when the baby is napping, I lost it, I jumped into my bed and hid under the covers and had myself a good old pity party. Along with the tears came the thoughts of what an immature and selfish mom I was. Here my children are sick and I'm indulging myself in the ol woe is me's. I'm so tired I can't think straight plus I have to work this evening. My business partner is away on holidays so there's no one else to cover for me and I have been struggling with nausea all week. I don't actually get sick, I just get the joy of feeling like I'm going to. My patience is at an all time low and I don't even have the energy to deal with the fights. I stop myself because I know that I'm not going to handle it very well. Like my well known theory is, if mom isn't happy.. no one is happy.

But what can you do, you shrug it off, get dressed and carry on knowing that along with dispensing some well needed hugs and kisses along the way that the end is near, there is light at the end of tunnel. I have to keep reminding myself and my children, mommy loves them, mommy's sorry she's grumpy, she's trying. Oh Lord, am I trying!

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